Orgasm: The ultimate thrill
Orgasm, the peak of sexual arousal, is an intense wave of sensations. Learn more about it here.
To remember
👉 Orgasm is when sexual arousal reaches its MAX.
👉 Orgasms are not all the same and vary from person to person.
👉 You don't necessarily have an orgasm every time, but that doesn't mean it's boring!
First of all, what is an orgasm? An orgasm is the highest point of sexual pleasure. You feel it when sexual arousal reaches its maximum. During orgasm, the muscles of your genitals contract involuntarily.
It can last 2 seconds, or it can last 30 seconds or even more. Usually, there are between 3 and 15 contractions of the genitals, each lasting less than a second. Interesting, right?
Do everyone experience the same orgasms?
Orgasms are not all the same: they vary in intensity from person to person and from one sexual encounter to another. Moreover, it is rare for them to occur at exactly the same time for both partners.
Some people reach it more quickly, while others need more time. It can also happen that you get very close to orgasm and it doesn't trigger, or it takes a little more concentration to return to that state afterward.
What does an orgasm look like?
For people with a penis, orgasm can also cause ejaculation (expulsion of semen through the urethra). However, ejaculation can occur even without having reached orgasm.
For people with a vagina, orgasm can produce another kind of ejaculation (more transparent than semen and sometimes more liquid), but this is not always the case. Contractions will be felt inside the vagina, but it is also possible to observe them in the vulva.
How our body and brain react to sexual stimulations
Desire – This is the urge to engage in sexual behaviors. It can be reactive to our partner's desire or spontaneous (when it comes from within oneself).
Arousal – This is the mental and physical stimulation (pleasure) we feel during sexual stimulations.
Plateau – This is reaching the highest level of sexual arousal and maintaining it for a while (the duration varies).
Orgasm – This is a very rapid and powerful surge of sexual pleasure. It is difficult to describe. Some people speak of intense well-being, great release, or an electrical discharge. These sensations occur in the genitals but can also be felt throughout the body. The sensations felt during orgasm and the way it is expressed (screaming, moaning or not, sighing, gasping for breath, etc.) vary greatly from person to person.
Resolution – Sexual arousal decreases, and the body returns to a state of rest and relaxation. This is when the erection subsides. It is possible that in the first few seconds or minutes after an orgasm, you no longer desire physical stimulation of your genitals, or you feel a great sensitivity that will calm down in the next moments.
Differences between people with penises and people with vaginas
Some myths circulate regarding the pleasure of people with vaginas, such as that it would be more difficult to achieve orgasm or that it would take longer. This is not necessarily the case!
There is a poorer understanding of the pleasure of people who have a vagina and vulva, and sexual relationships (especially heterosexual relationships) often focus heavily on vaginal penetration.
However, the majority of people with a vagina and vulva, over 80% of them, will not achieve orgasm through vaginal penetration alone. In fact, the majority will need direct clitoral stimulation to experience pleasure and reach orgasm. Indeed, the vast majority of these people masturbate precisely without vaginal penetration (e.g., with a finger, a sex toy, a penis), but rather by stimulating the clitoris.
The reason is simple: the clitoris is composed of the same tissues and nerve endings as the penis. In other words, it is the organ of pleasure (and serves no other purpose!) for people with a vulva. And it is the organ that allows orgasm to be reached, whether stimulated directly or not.
How to achieve orgasm
There is no magic recipe for achieving orgasm! Different stimulations can lead to orgasm. It varies for each person depending on what they like and what provides the most pleasure.
There are various factors that can influence and promote orgasm, for example, feeling good, relaxed and comfortable, letting go and enjoying the moment, exploring your body, discovering the stimulations and sensations you like and that allow you to be sexually aroused, knowing how to focus on these sensations and guiding your partner towards what gives you the best sensations.
Ultimately, the best way to have an orgasm is to listen to yourself and explore different stimulations to find what feels good! And telling your partner how (with words, our reactions, guiding the other with hands) can also help a lot.
No orgasm? Don't panic!
A sexual relationship without orgasm does not mean it is boring or unsatisfactory. You don't necessarily have an orgasm every time. The goal of sexual relations is not to achieve orgasm; it is to experience pleasure.
There are all sorts of factors that can influence orgasm, hinder sexual arousal, or prevent it from increasing: how you feel, stress, worries, distractions, pressure, your ability to concentrate on the sensations felt and to connect with your body, stimulation in the right places, the pleasure felt and how exciting you find it, naming and guiding the other in what excites you, etc.
But if you have questions, if it worries you, or if it's not how you'd like it to be, it's important not to hesitate to talk about it. If you don't know how to approach the subject with your partner, Tel-jeunes can help you. Contact us to talk about it.
P.S.: achieving orgasm should also be balanced between partners. Your pleasure and your partner's pleasure are equally important.
