Is it the right time to make love?
You don’t become “ready” at a particular age or after a particular event. Everyone has their own speed and everyone’s ready at a different time.
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👉 You always have the right to say no, even if you said yes before.
👉 You might be ready to do one thing, but not another.
👉 No one should force or pressure you into having sex.
There isn't a clear moment to feel the desire for intimacy. Everyone evolves at their own pace, influenced by their experiences and emotions. You feel ready when it feels right to you. Sometimes, the body manifests desires or urges, giving the impression of being ready... while the mind, on the other hand, is still hesitant.
And even if you feel physically ready, you can still experience a lot of nervousness and fears. And it's completely natural to have many questions.
🏳️🌈If you are planning to experience your first intimate relationships with someone of the same sex, it's natural to feel a little anxious, especially if you haven't heard much about it and you're not quite sure where to find the right information. Your questions are valid. We can support you with this if you wish.
Is it normal to sometimes want to have your first time, and then not want to anymore?
You might be ready while your partner isn't... or vice versa! And whether your friends are or aren't shouldn't change your own feelings.
You felt ready yesterday, and today you're not anymore? That's very possible, and it's normal! Desire and sexual urges fluctuate over time and according to our hormonal cycle. They are also affected by all the events happening in our lives. You might also never be ready to do certain things. The important thing is to remember that you always have the right to say no. You can also be ready to do one thing, but not another.
Phew, it's complicated? That's why it's important to discuss it with the other person. You want them to know what you're ready to do... and you also want to understand their pace. If you feel comfortable talking about it with your partner, you'll feel more comfortable sharing your intimacy when the time comes!
Try to view the ideal situation as a context where both your body and your mind are equally comfortable with the idea of having a sexual relationship, where you feel confident with your partner, where you have thought about all that it implies, and where you feel well-informed and it takes place in a comfortable location and at a comfortable time.
Is it normal to be pressured into having sex?
A rhythm cannot be rushed: it must be respected. Pressure from your entourage should not influence you to experience your first time or to do things that make you uncomfortable. Try to make your decision without thinking about others, what they do, what they say... or what you think they will say or think! How do you feel? The answer is there.
If your partner pressures or harasses you to have sex or to do anything intimate and you feel forced, it's a sign that this person does not respect your boundaries and you don't have to accept that.
Always remember that being in a relationship or dating someone does not in any way oblige you to do things you are not comfortable with. This refers to the notion of consent.
If you have doubts or feel uncomfortable, do not hesitate to ask for advice from your friends, your parents, or Tel-jeunes.
A few questions to ask yourself!
Whether you are in a romantic relationship or not, you can decide whether you are ready or not to have sexual relations. To know if you are ready for this, you might want to ask yourself a few questions such as:
Do I feel comfortable and trusting with my partner?
Do I feel like I'm doing it because I truly want to or just to please them?
Am I doing it just because I'm afraid of losing my partner?
Do I feel that I have discussed my needs enough/expressed myself sufficiently with my partner?
Am I knowledgeable enough about the risks of pregnancy, STIs, and the right ways to protect myself?
Do I want to cross this boundary of my intimacy with the other person?
