I’m experiencing family violence. What can I do?
It’s always tough to experience violence within our own family. Fortunately, there are solutions. Here is some information so you can figure out what kind of violence is happening, and our advice on how to get out or help a family member.
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👉 Family violence can take several forms (physical, verbal, psychological, or sexual) and it is always unacceptable.
👉 You are not alone and it is not your fault.
👉 Resources exist: Tel-jeunes, a school counselor, or 911 in case of immediate danger.
The different faces of violence
Family violence occurs between members of a nuclear or extended family. It can be physical, verbal, psychological, or sexual.
Spousal violence
This happens between two adults in a relationship, such as your parents. It can make you feel a storm of emotions: powerlessness because you aren’t able to stop it, fear, sadness, anger, disappointment, etc. It changes your perception of your parents, the other people you know, and what a spousal relationship is like.
If there is violence between your parents, it can give you the impression that that’s a normal way of solving problems in a relationship. It could lead you to use violence yourself to settle disagreements with other people or in your romantic relationships
Violence toward a child or teen
This is a kind of physical, psychological, or sexual violence by a parent or other family member directed at a child or teen. It can also refer to neglect, which harms the young person’s development.
This kind of violence can have an impact on the whole family. In addition to stirring up your emotions, it can change your perception of your parents and other people. It can result in attention, concentration, and motivation problems at school. This violence might give you the idea that this is a normal way of expressing emotions and facing difficulties, leading you to use violence too.
Violence toward a parent
This is verbal, physical, or psychological violence that a teenager or child directs toward one of his/her parents: hitting, making unrealistic demands, manipulating his/her feelings and emotions, staying away from home to make the parent anxious, not showing any signs of affection, trying to control his/her life or the home, or breaking up his/her romantic relationships.
This kind of violence can have psychological impacts on the parent, the teen, and other family members. In this situation, the teen is taking control and the parent loses his/her role of authority.
What can I do if I’m experiencing violence?
Violence is unacceptable. If you’re suffering family violence, witnessing violence, or being violent to other members of your family, look for help. If you or a member of your family is a victim of violence, tell yourself that…
It’s not your fault! You aren’t responsible for your relatives’ violent behaviours.
You don’t deserve to be a victim of violence.
You have the right to be safe.
You’re not alone: there are lots of people and resources to help you.
Here are some ideas to find solutions:
Even if it's not easy, talk about it to an adult you trust: a family member, a parent, a school counselor, or a Tel-jeunes counselor.
If you are not sure whether your situation could be reported to the Director of Youth Protection (DPJ), you can consult this website or call the number to reach the DPJ center in your region, which you will find in this list.
Develop a game plan. For example, identify where you could go and who would be willing to take you in during an emergency. A family member, a neighbor, a friend, a house with the Parent-Secours sign in your area, etc.
