Understanding and Supporting My Adopted Teen
Here are some of the specific challenges your adopted child may encounter during adolescence, and ways to best support them.
To remember
👉 Adopted teens face unique identity challenges, affecting their self-esteem and sense of belonging.
👉 The role of adoptive parents is fundamental for the adolescent's well-being and to help them build their identity.
👉 Do not hesitate to seek professional support if needed.
Echoes of the Past
It's important to remember that many adopted young people may have experienced difficult early lives. Precariousness, lack of care, food, absence of stimulation or affection... So many things that can leave lasting traces.
These initial experiences can manifest as developmental delays, health problems, or behavioral or attachment issues. Some adopted teens may also have more fragile self-esteem, linked to the loss of their biological parents.
However, it is important (and comforting) to emphasize that adoption represents a major positive intervention. The adoptive family plays a predominant role in the child's development and psychological well-being. Initial difficulties are therefore not a foregone conclusion, and your family environment is the most influential factor for your teen's adaptation.
Adolescence, Identity, and Adoption
Adolescence is inherently a period of intense identity construction. For an adopted young person, this quest can be amplified by several aspects:
Displacement and Attachment Disorder
If adoption occurred later in life, the feeling of displacement can be all the more profound. Some teens may have experienced a rupture of attachment by changing environments multiple times (orphanages, foster families). If this fundamental bond is weakened, it can lead to emotional, behavioral, or mental health problems.
Difference and Self-Esteem
Your teen may feel "different" from their friends who live with their biological parents, and this perception can shake their self-esteem. This is a period when the teen seeks to make sense of their adoption, which can generate questions, inner conflicts, and confusion.
Grief and the Search for Origins
The adopted child may also experience grief for their biological family and cultural heritage. This process is healthy but complex and requires a space to be expressed, for example, with a psychologist. While some young people will feel the need to retrace their history, search for their biological parents, or information about their origins, others, on the contrary, will have no desire to do so. Whatever the case, your role is to accompany, not to impose.
Your Role is Crucial
Despite the risk factors related to previous living conditions, the influence of your adoptive family is predominant on your teen's psychological adaptation and the development of their self-esteem.
Here's how you can make a difference:
Openness and Honesty
Adoption should never be a secret. Talk about it openly and regularly. Use expressions like "when you joined our family" rather than "when you were born" to facilitate discussion. Answer your young person's questions with the utmost honesty, adapting the level of detail to their age: a teen will need more precise and nuanced information than a child.
Empathy and Unconditional Support
Be empathetic to your young person's emotions. Sadness, anger, feelings of abandonment, or confusion are normal and legitimate reactions. Validate what they feel and show them that you are a safe space to express all of this. Maintain a strong bond and benevolent interactions.
💡In all of this, don't forget to take care of yourself! The Tel-jeunes Parents team is here for you, 7/7.
Accompanying the Identity Quest
If your young person wishes to explore their origins, accompany them in their endeavor. This does not mean you are being rejected, but that they are seeking to build their complete identity. It is not always necessary to travel far; exploring their culture of origin through local communities or other adopted children can be very beneficial.
Do Not Protect Them from Suffering at All Costs
It is natural to want to spare your child pain. However, allowing them to express and go through difficult emotions related to their adoption is essential for their resilience and growth. You can help them understand the practical and emotional implications of their adoption and manage the behaviors and emotions that might arise. Support them in their projects and aspirations, helping them integrate their unique story into the person they will become.
If your teen seems to have persistent difficulties, or if you yourself need advice on how to address certain topics, do not hesitate to consult a professional (psychologist, pediatrician, family doctor), who can offer valuable support.
Being a parent to an adopted teen is a unique journey, sometimes requiring increased understanding and patience. Your love, your ability to communicate openly and validate your young person's emotions, as well as the quality of the bond you weave, are the foundations upon which they can fully flourish, accept their story, and build a strong and confident future. Your role is not only to love them but also to help them integrate their past to better project themselves forward.
