How to live through a heartbreak?
Going through a breakup is different for everyone. Sometimes it’s even a relief.😌 Other times, it hurts badly.😖 That’s when your heart is broken and you need time to get better. Here are some ideas to help you survive a breakup.
Key points
👉 It's normal to feel a range of emotions.
👉 There is no set timeframe for getting over heartbreak.
👉 Self-care is essential.
👉 It's important to accept the breakup and focus on your own well-being.
👉 If the pain becomes too much, talking to a trusted adult or a professional is important.
When your heart is broken, you often need time to heal. It’s as if you were sick or injured: you need to take care of yourself and wait for your heart to heal.
Breaking up is often a huge shock, an upheaval. It can trigger all kinds of effects in your head, heart, and body. For example, you might:
feel pain, a sense of abandonment, fear, emptiness
have trouble concentrating or feel tired
start eating more or less than before
have trouble sleeping or, on the other hand, need more sleep
lose your motivation or energy
feel depressed or lose hope
All these feelings are natural. When you break up, you go through a grieving process: you have to put lots of important things behind you all at once:
what you liked about the other person – He/she was so sweet!
plans and dreams – We were going to travel together this summer.
friends – I’ll never be able to hang out with his/her friends again.
habits – We called each other every evening!
ideals – I wanted to spend my life with him/her.
The stages of heartbreak
Denial
It can’t be true!
In the beginning, you’re in a state of shock. You may tend to deny or not understand what’s happening to you and why. Your heart and your head are in confusion.
Anger
I hate him/her!
After the shock, you may feel anger, frustration, unfairness and misunderstanding. You may experience the breakup as a betrayal or abandonment. Your anger helps you get over it.
Bargaining
I’ll change anything you want me to!
You may want to win the other person’s love back. You idealize your ex and you sometimes think that everything’s your fault. You may even be tempted to promise him/her certain things and think that, by doing that, there may be some hope that he/she will come back. Remember that there’s no point in trying to convince him/her to return. Accept it and move on.
Sadness
It’s all over – I don’t want to do anything anymore!
Crying is often part of heartbreak. You have a right to cry, and it’s often necessary. Experiencing this feeling of loss helps you realize that it’s really over. Take “vacations” from your pain by doing things you enjoy or going out with friends.
Acceptance
I still sometimes think about him/her, but I’m getting over it!
Even if it’s hard to believe, you gradually come to accept the breakup. You regain your self-confidence, you feel better, and the future looks more hopeful. You have new dreams and plans. Life goes on, and that’s all to the good.
How can I win my ex back?
Winning your ex back is usually mission impossible. You have no power over the other person’s feelings: even your ex can’t control his/her feelings! You can do whatever you want – call, send flowers, text, or write a letter – but it won’t change what he/she feels. And if you try too hard to get your ex back, you’re likely to be rejected.
If your ex still has feelings for you and he/she is willing to restart the relationship, it might work. Nevertheless, your relationship ended for certain specific reasons. Have the problems disappeared or are they likely to come back? It’s up to you to judge!
My ex is getting over it faster than me. Why?
Do you have a feeling that your ex is getting over your breakup faster than you? It might be true, because we don’t all experience things in the same way. But it might only be your impression. You might think the other person is doing fine, but is it possible that he/she is hurting inside and nobody knows because he/she isn’t saying anything?
It’s also possible that the other person really has moved on. That means he/she was ready. Sometimes, when things haven’t been working in a relationship for a long time, the breakup causes both sadness and relief. In that case, the heartache may not last as long.
Still, that doesn’t change the wonderful things you shared and the good times you had together. Everyone goes through heartbreak in their own way and, most importantly, at their own pace.
Tips to get through your heartbreak more easily
Cultivate your own life and happiness. Do things you like, go out with your friends, and play sports. That will help you think about other things and feel better.
Spend time with good people. Your friends, parents, a counsellor, or Tel-jeunes can help you get through this hard time.
Be patient. Over time, the pain will get less and less.
Take back your life and let your ex lead his/her own life too. Don’t try to make your ex feel guilty or convince him/her to come back. The two of you had reasons for breaking up, and those problems are probably still there. And avoid alcohol or drugs: they’re likely to make you feel worse.
A broken heart is never easy. If you find yourself feeling more and more depressed or you’re full of dark thoughts, don’t stay alone. Talk to an adult you trust or call Tel-jeunes.
The 5 à 7 Podcast answers your questions about love and relationships.
We invited the girls from the 5 à 7 Podcast to answer the questions about love and relationships that teens ask us most often. (Content in French only)
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