How to live through a heartbreak?
Going through a breakup is different for everyone. Sometimes it’s even a relief. Other times, it hurts badly. That’s when your heart is broken and you need time to get better. Here are some ideas to help you survive a breakup.
To remember
👉 It's normal to feel a lot of emotions, there's no set time frame to get over it.
👉 Accept the break-up, focus on your well-being, and take care of yourself.
👉 If the pain becomes too much, it's important to talk to a trusted adult or a professional.
Get to know yourself
When your heart is broken, you often need time to heal. It’s as if you were sick or injured: you need to take care of yourself and wait for your heart to heal.
Breaking up is often a huge shock, an upheaval. It can trigger all kinds of effects in your head, heart, and body. For example, you might:
feel pain, a sense of abandonment, fear, emptiness
have trouble concentrating or feel tired
start eating more or less than before
have trouble sleeping or, on the other hand, need more sleep
lose your motivation or energy
feel depressed or lose hope
All these feelings are natural. When you break up, you go through a grieving process: you have to put lots of important things behind you all at once:
what you liked about the other person – He/she was so sweet!
plans and dreams – We were going to travel together this summer.
friends – I’ll never be able to hang out with his/her friends again.
habits – We called each other every evening!
ideals – I wanted to spend my life with him/her.
The stages of heartbreak
Denial
It can’t be true!
In the beginning, you’re in a state of shock. You may tend to deny or not understand what’s happening to you and why. Your heart and your head are in confusion.
Anger
I hate him/her!
After the shock, you may feel anger, frustration, unfairness and misunderstanding. You may experience the breakup as a betrayal or abandonment. Your anger helps you get over it.
Bargaining
I’ll change anything you want me to!
You may want to win the other person’s love back. You idealize your ex and you sometimes think that everything’s your fault. You may even be tempted to promise him/her certain things and think that, by doing that, there may be some hope that he/she will come back. Remember that there’s no point in trying to convince him/her to return. Accept it and move on.
Sadness
It’s all over – I don’t want to do anything anymore!
Crying is often part of heartbreak. You have a right to cry, and it’s often necessary. Experiencing this feeling of loss helps you realize that it’s really over. Take “vacations” from your pain by doing things you enjoy or going out with friends.
Acceptance
I still sometimes think about him/her, but I’m getting over it!
Even if it’s hard to believe, you gradually come to accept the breakup. You regain your self-confidence, you feel better, and the future looks more hopeful. You have new dreams and plans. Life goes on, and that’s all to the good.
Tips to get through your heartbreak more easily
Cultivate your own life and happiness. Do things you like, go out with your friends, and play sports. That will help you think about other things and feel better.
Spend time with good people. Your friends, parents, a counsellor, or Tel-jeunes can help you get through this hard time.
Be patient. Over time, the pain will get less and less.
Take back your life and let your ex lead his/her own life too. Don’t try to make your ex feel guilty or convince him/her to come back. The two of you had reasons for breaking up, and those problems are probably still there. And avoid alcohol or drugs: they’re likely to make you feel worse.
