How do I know if my teenager is thinking about suicide?
As a parent, it's hard to imagine your teenager thinking about suicide. However, behind this gesture, there is often deep pain and a desire to put an end to suffering. Being alert to the signs and knowing how to react can save lives.
To remember
👉 A young person thinking about suicide doesn't necessarily want to die, but rather to stop suffering. He or she is expressing an urgent need for help.
👉 Be attentive to changes in your teen's behavior.
👉 If you notice any worrying signs, don't ignore them. Discuss them openly with your teenager, and contact a mental health professional without delay.
A young person thinking about suicide does not really want to die. Rather, their desire is to put an end to their suffering. We could say that it's more a desire to stop hurting that's implied in their words or intentions, with death seen as the end of the pain and distress they're experiencing.
Some parents will say that young people only make threats to get attention or to blackmail. But what if the teenager's message is that he or she is suffering, but doesn't know how else to make himself or herself heard, seen or loved? For a young person, suffering can be experienced with great intensity and distress.
What's more, the period of adolescence is in itself a factor to be taken into consideration when assessing the risk of acting out. As a parent, it's important to be more attuned to the changes in your young person during this period.
Suicide triggers
They can be numerous and vary from person to person, but we generally recognize triggers such as:
A major loss (e.g., breakup, bereavement, suicide, loss of a job, being thrown out of school, running away).
A more problematic dependence on alcohol or drugs.
Recent suicide attempts.
Announcement of the presence of a mental health problem or worsening of a condition (e.g., depression).
The presence of psychological, physical or sexual abuse within the family, romantic relationship or even with friends or peers (bullying).
A more difficult context (e.g.: difficult family dynamics, disputes and conflicts, abandonment, separation or divorce, health problems).
A suddenly exacerbated character trait (e.g. impulsiveness, opposition, aggressiveness, low self-esteem).
What are the signs that my teen is thinking about suicide?
Direct messages
These are verbal messages alluding to death: “I'd be better off dead, it's not worth it anymore, you won't see me much longer, I'm afraid of killing myself”, etc. Threats of suicide may also be added: “I'm going to kill myself, I want to die”, etc.
Indirect messages
“Soon I'll have peace, I'm useless, I think it was brave of him to kill himself, I'm going on a long trip, you'd be better off without me”, etc., preparation for a departure, the presence of final arrangements or farewell letters, gifts of objects of significant personal value, the presence of death-related work, the sudden attraction to firearms or toxic products.
Signs of depression
The presence of a sleep disorder (insomnia, hypersomnia), an eating disorder (anorexia, bulimia), lack of energy, extreme fatigue or agitation at certain times, increased anxiety, inability to take pleasure in anything, the presence of emotions such as sadness (crying), discouragement, indecision, irritability, anger, rage, low self-esteem.
Physical and psychological isolation
Loss of interest and pleasure in activities, withdrawal, seeking solitude, cutting off contact with family or friends, muteness, withdrawal, refusal to communicate, lack of emotion.
Behavioral changes
These may include lack of attention in class, poor concentration, unusual absence from class, decreased academic performance, failure to complete homework and assignments, hyperactivity or extreme slowness, general disinterest, attraction to or preoccupation with the subject of death or reincarnation, changes in appearance, neglect, excessive use of alcohol, drugs or medication.
