Sexual orientation describes the sexual attraction you feel towards other people. It’s not a choice, it’s something you feel and is very personal. People often lump romantic attraction in with sexual orientation, but they’re two separate things. Sometimes the two line up (for example, when a guy is both sexually and romantically attracted to guys), but not always (for example, when a guy is romantically attracted to guys, but not sexually). 

It’s also entirely possible to feel little to no sexual and/or romantic attraction at all. When that happens, it’s called asexuality or aromanticism.

It may change with time... or not

Also, it’s important to remember that sexual orientation isn’t set in stone. It can change over your lifetime as you ask yourself questions, experience new things, and meet new people. 

It’s human to have questions, not know how you identify, or refuse to label yourself.

Labels can be helpful for putting your identity into words, but you’re definitely not required to pick one. Anyone can be curious about their orientation, no matter what it is. It’s very human to have questions and to be unsure!

Some definitions about sexual orientation

Asexuality

Being asexual means having little to no sexual attraction towards other people. It’s not the same as abstinence (choosing not to have sex) or aromanticism (feeling little to no romantic attraction towards other people). In fact, some asexual people want to have romantic relationships without the sex, while others only feel sexual attraction once they have a strong emotional connection to someone. 

Bisexuality

Bisexual (or bi) people are generally attracted to people who identify as men and people who identify as women. It’s a valid sexual orientation all on its own, period. It’s not a phase, proof of indecisiveness, or a ‘free pass’. Also, you don’t need to have had experience with both men and women to be bisexual, and you can still be bisexual even if you haven’t been with a man or a woman for a long time.

Heterosexuality

Heterosexual (or straight) people are attracted to people of the ‘opposite’ gender.

Homosexuality

Homosexual (or gay) people are attracted to people of the same gender.

Pansexuality

Pansexual (or pan) people are attracted to people regardless of gender. For example, a pansexual cisgender woman might be attracted to someone who’s non-binary.

Queer

This term can be used to describe someone’s sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression. Queer people generally don’t fit heteronormative (the idea that heterosexuality is the ‘norm’) labels or ideals, and in fact often criticize them. They want to assert who they are without putting themselves into a box (like ‘man/woman’ or ‘heterosexual/homosexual’).

With so many terms it can sometimes be hard to find one that fits you, and that can bring up a lot of questions. Feel free to reach out to us if you’re wondering about something or want to learn more.

Sources : Conseil québécois LGBT; Fondation Émergence